SUMMER KISSED

We’re all born aliens. Outlanders in this cosmos and it is rib-tickling how we end up knowing a million of people out of those gazillion with whom we exchange a coup d'oeil or a smile or brush hands, without even noticing. A dozen are a family and a couple of them are close friends. The complication is not by those millions but by that one – you love.  It is a complication created due to those millions or those gazillions who make that one relationship so complicated and we blame it all on that ONE LOVE.

Mine is not a different story, no uniqueness probably. We all fall in love, don’t we?

Why not? God created us – to spread love. To love one another. To make love. To procreate. To make the best of life.  To live life to the fullest. To make life worth it. To spread the word of god – LOVE.

We’re often caught in this roughshod circle of evilness. Spreading the word of god becomes the deadliest sin. Yes, that’s a sin I have committed too.

Fate, kismet, destiny or give it whatever name! We blame it all on that god who created us to LOVE.

Separation is what got us together, making us the best of friends. A friend I fell in love with. A love that dawdles even when I know, separation is the only option and the only way out. I was no meathead. I knew this long back and I knew it well and I know it well. I was so afraid to express, to confess my love for him because I’m afraid of the society that never understands the word of god. The society that scrutinizes me with its sharp eyes and pierces my soul that craves only for him. The society is all based on its own traditions and rules made by those gazillion who are long gone and dead. Brotherhood and love is what the society preaches and yet, separates the two in love.

I managed to puke those three words out of my marijuana filled bladder. Of course, that was nothing new. He knew it all so well, how much I loved him and I hope he still knows how much I love him. He loved me too and does he still love me? The society stops me from questioning even these thoughts.

The time I smoked with him, the drive, the hug, the peck on the cheek, the night spent with him. His breath under my ears and our lips brushed against each other so hungrily. Just when it was about time we would end up in a mess… period. Forced onanism.

Society. Traditions. Laws and mores. Caste and religion.

These are the anchors that pull me back when I’m just about to give my life to the one I love. I’m pulled back for these societal pressures haunt me constantly. I love him so much, I wouldn’t even want him to face the bonkers mock and jinxes of that evil society we are forced to live in. Boundaries and limitations are all we are reminded of. They’re like a loop on our necks. A lil move of escape shall maneuver a death path and my grave will be stoned.

His smell still lollygags. His docile touch and the way he moved his hands, tracing a random path on my back. I was wrapped by him when he made constant attempts to check my tears and I laughed. I laughed because it was a temptation I wanted to cede but I knew, this must stop – NOW!

Those gazillion are a cuff that holds me.

How dearly I love him yet I can’t be with him.

Freedom from these clutches is what I crave. I’m a scapegoat in between these societal evils that takes away my love from me, the only boy I so love. As researchers say, a man can think of sex every seven seconds and yes every breath I take, I can think of him. I’m so obsessed with him; I crave for him every breath and every tear. How I long to wrap my arms around him and never let him go.

Freedom freedom freedom. Again and again, I crave for the same. I crave for the same him. I have loved and done nothing wrong and yet, I’m lead into the pit of separation and I burry myself into the agony of cherishing memories because they are all I have. His sweet embrace and the way he brushed my hair with his hands. It is all nothing but only memory that I await, must languish and disappear. I wait when I can breathe fresh and happy, without memories and without hallucinating him besides me. Hours and days, weeks and months. It has been more than a year but I can’t get him out of my head.

He is the weed I inhale, the beer I drink and the sausages that blow away my taste buds. He is all I want but all I get is a bouquet full of memories that I shall burry with me in my coffin. Before I’m buried, I want you to know, mon amor, I love you and will always love you immensely.

Tweet